Or Your Money Back - Dead In A Week:

However, the moment the ink dries, William’s luck changes. He meets Maria, a quirky editor who finds beauty in his gloom. Suddenly, William has something to live for. He tries to cancel the contract, but Leslie is a professional. A contract is a contract, and Leslie needs this kill to save his career.

He seeks out a professional assassin through a brochure he finds in a dark corner of the internet. Enter Leslie, an aging hitman for "The Guild of Assassins." Leslie is facing his own crisis; he’s a few kills short of his annual quota and is being forced into early retirement by a ruthless boss. Dead in a Week: Or Your Money Back

William has spent his entire life trying to be successful at just one thing: dying. Unfortunately, he’s as bad at suicide as he is at everything else. After seven botched attempts—including a bridge jump that resulted in a shallow splash and a toaster incident that only blew the fuses—William decides to outsource the job. However, the moment the ink dries, William’s luck changes